Dear Family,

Well, sorry for those of you who were a little upset that I didn't tell you personally about the foster care business.  It has been a rough few months for us and with such a big decision we really just wanted to keep it personal and between Matt and I.  I know advice is great, but we really wanted to focus on what the Lord wanted us to do and not a million outside opinions (even though we love you and respect your opinions...really, we do!)  And you know me, it is hard to keep a secret, so this has been torture.
The feelings we have gotten about this have been overpowering.  It feels so right to be doing this right now.  Heavenly Father has blessed us with so much peace about this decision that it is really hard to put into words how we feel.  We just know with all of our hearts that this is right.  I don't know what the outcome will be, could be good, could be not so good.  But I know that whatever happens it will strengthen and bless our family.
When we got our final confirmation about this we told our parents and really just left it at that.  I'm sorry that some of you were hurt/offended you were left out of the loop.  I really am.  I feel horrible, but I know that the decision to keep it private was the right one.  I'm easily influenced by others, and I just wanted to make sure I was going to do it or not do it for the right reasons and feelings.  I know you would have been very supportive and encouraging, and I was even worried that that too would influence me to do it if the Lord said no.  I hope this is making sense.  And it has been expressed that an email would have been better than finding it out on my blog.  My answer to that is, my blog is for you.  The only ones who read it are my family and a couple of really close friends.  So I felt by saying it on here I was in a way directly telling the people I care most about.  I'm sorry you were hurt.
We are just in the beginning stages of all of this.  We actually made our final decision just a couple of weeks ago.  And now we are in the process of classes....many, many classes.  We most likely won't have a child placed with us for many months to come.  Last night we attended our first class.  The classes are twice a week, four hours long.  It is grueling.  We left last night with the feeling that these classes are designed to weed out the weak.  I'll admit I cried and asked myself what we were doing!  I know Satan is hitting me hardest right now.  He doesn't want us to do this.  He is hitting me where it counts....am I a bad mother to do this to my family?  Do I not love my children enough to put them in this situation?  It has been a season of highs and lows.  After I had my cry, I felt calm.  I now these are just fears that the adversary wants me to focus on.  I felt peace knowing that this is the right this to do.  Am I scared?  You better believe it!  Do I feel less than up to the challenge?  Totally!  Am I stressed out?  So bad, I'm sure that I will will break out in hives any moment!  But I know that it is right.  I'm so grateful for the spirit and the love that Heavenly Father sends  down to me.  I'm grateful to know that my own dear father is looking down on me and watching out for my little family.  I know he is there.  And I feel blessed with that knowledge.
April will be a busy month.  Lots of paperwork and lots of classes.  We both need to attend the 8 classes they are holding this month.  It's a lot and I am already overwhelmed.  Especially since some of the topics are not so easy ones to face.  How will I get through a 4 hour class about sexual abuse and the impact on children....heaven only knows.  But I will do it and know that the Lord will strengthen me.  I am also grateful for your support.  Matt and I truly have such great families!  Such strength, support, and love is always given to us and we are forever grateful for your presence in our lives.
Sorry this was so long winded!  I just had a lot to say I guess.  I love you all!